“returns must be accompanied by a receipt…”

Fatherhood has changed me in some profound ways; ‘cute’ is now part of my vocabulary and I use it on a regular basis. I talk to people with babies. And like it. Other people come up to me and talk to me about “The Kid” and their kids and what not. On Sunday at Costco I had an oba-san walk alongside of me, coo’ing at “The Kid” to get him back to sleep as I tried to hide from the horde. I have developed more empathy for kids and parents and hot moms.

Am I lost? Was what made ‘me’ me gone? So you have to imagine my glee when I felt the return of the hate the other night at the shop. Know that feeling when you first step barefoot into mud? The hate is sorta like that wet, squishy sensation that makes a lot of sucking noises that you grow to like once you realize it’s warm and it’ll get all over everything and it’ll hide you from the Predator monster till you can gather your strength to go mano y mano with it.

So there I was, feeling the hate return, looking at a 29’er Cannondale mountain bike and a fixed gear Bianchi. Being a father has given me a modicum of wisdom, so I decide to actually TRY riding these bikes before I started to hate them. Hate rationally, not irrationally I always say (okay, that’s a lie, I just made that up).

Took the 29’er out for a ride. It’s big. Takes some pedaling to get up to speed. Wheelies like crap. Sucks at slow speed. Felt like I was going to tip over. Once at speed, she goes (hum, doesn’t a road bike do all these things too?). Think I’ll sell my fleet of 26’ers and switch teams. So would this mean 29’er riders ride on the other team?

The fixed gear Bianchi Pista. It’s light. Has no brakes. You pedal, you move. You pedal slower, you move slower. If you want to stop pedaling because you want to wave your feet in the air or do something equally inane, , you have to take your feet off the pedals and let them spin (and make damn sure you keep your calves out of the way as the pedals flail around and around). You can balance on it by applying back and forth pressure. Wow, it’s everything I’ve wanted in a bike, I wonder if I could mount knobbies on it and call it a fixie 29’er?

I’m back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!