The human mind and emotions are a strange thing. Been going through the emotional roller coaster ride. It’s smoothing out, but every once in a while they’ll be little bumps. Early on, the first day I went to visit Mom in hospital, I was pretty ok leaving the house and driving along. I thought to break the quiet to keep from thinking so much I decided to plug in and turn on the stereo and the first song was a song that usually ellicits a happy response for me. Woah damn, that opened the floodgates. I guess when teetering on that fine line, any type of thing that creates an emotion can send you over. I had to pull over into the beach park parking lot as I was having trouble seeing. Had my all out bawl fest there. Wonder if the Korean tourists jumping out of their rental to snap pics of themselves against backdrop of the kinda mucky waters of Maunalua Bay noticed anything. And then sometimes in the middle of a sorrowful moment, my mind would think of something else. Perhaps it’s a way the mind prevents from overloading.
Been kind of running around taking care of the worldly rituals. We’re keeping it quiet and simple, so it hasn’t been to bad. And I’m thankful that everyone we’ve dealt with has been good and making it easy. I can easily see where the unscrupulous can take advantage during a time when you’re so vulnerable.
I can appreciate sybolism and flowers are nice, but we ask if people feel compelled to send flowers, to instead send a donation to Queen’s Medical Center, Att’n. Fund Development Dpt, 1301 Punchbowl St., Honolulu, HI 96813 and notate on check memo to the Neurology Dept., In memory of Kikuko Nobusawa. We feel that it is better spent on something that can do some good, and the staff at Queens was so good to Mom and us.
And as a final note, the picture above is the last of the osechi ryouri that my mother had made for new years that I ate a few days ago. I should have taken a pic on New Years day when it was in all it’s glory, I had thought about it, but you never think something like this will happen.
Hope you’re doing better Root. The thing with the song, that will happen. It happens less frequently over time, but it still happens. It always happens. The good thing is that you still feel the loss, as crazy as that sounds. You remember the warmth and the love and it hurts. But I think, it is better to be able to feel that pain and remember than to become so jaded and hard that instead you feel nothing. The apathy is the scariest, when you think that you should be feeling something inside and you just find nothing. Hang in there.