{"id":4749,"date":"2011-03-18T20:04:39","date_gmt":"2011-03-19T06:04:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.studionewmedia.com\/blog\/?p=4749"},"modified":"2011-03-18T20:04:39","modified_gmt":"2011-03-19T06:04:39","slug":"jal-bagel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/2011\/03\/18\/jal-bagel\/","title":{"rendered":"JAL Bagel"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>I hate you, JAL bagel. You taste funny. Your label says you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re “maple-walnut flavored” and that you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re “New-York-style”. I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been to New York, but I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever had a maple-walnut bagel before you. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get me wrong \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I like<\/strong><\/em> bagels \u00e2\u20ac\u201c just not you. I almost don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re really a bagel. When I bend you, you tear instantly. Although you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re dense and chewy inside like you should be, your rind is almost nonexistent. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t boiled anywhere long enough prior to baking. The long-winded description on your packaging says you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re made with the finest wheat from Montana and pure spring water from the Cascades. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t realize Montana was such a famous wheat-producing state. In any regard though, even the best of ingredients can be made into the worst of foods. Importing ingredients from America doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t automatically render an American bagel. I saved part of you for Root to eat so he could taste your nostalgically unpleasant flavor and get all angry too, but he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t show up today. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be wasteful, but I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just going to throw the remainder of you away since my stomach already feels a little upset.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I hate you, JAL bagel. You taste funny. Your label says you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re “maple-walnut flavored” and that you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re “New-York-style”. I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been to New York, but I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever had a maple-walnut bagel before you. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get me wrong \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I like bagels \u00e2\u20ac\u201c just not you. I almost don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re really a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[7,8,12,13,18],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paJYlx-1eB","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4749"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4749"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4749\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4749"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4749"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4749"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}