{"id":880,"date":"2008-06-02T12:37:09","date_gmt":"2008-06-02T22:37:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.studionewmedia.com\/blog\/?p=880"},"modified":"2008-06-02T12:37:09","modified_gmt":"2008-06-02T22:37:09","slug":"vile-fluid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/2008\/06\/02\/vile-fluid\/","title":{"rendered":"Vile Fluid"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I feel insulted<\/b> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c insulted that I am sitting here writing this instead of doing any of a bunch of things that I really should be doing right now. The shock I had at dinner compels me to share the experience, so here it is. Am I being altruistic or just plain angry? You decide.<\/p>\n

I had dinner at the Windward Mall franchise of I Love Country Caf\u00c3\u00a9<\/em><\/strong>. In ages past, I remember going to other franchises of this local chain for wholesome and healthy, albeit expensive (think current Zippy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s<\/em> prices over 8-years ago), fare. Root will surely remember going there with Vern after evening bike rides from when the first one opened on Pi\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ikoi. Breakfast was always at the Kahala one after the Honolulu Marathon Escort duty until that part of the mall disappeared to make way for some mainland store. Of all the places in the Windward Mall food court, this looked like a good place, so I stepped up to the plate. With good past experiences and name recognition \u00e2\u20ac\u201c what could possibly go wrong?<\/em> Read on\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

Menu? There were several dry-erase boards with \u00e2\u20ac\u0153specials\u00e2\u20ac\u009d listed. Since it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look like anything had been erased and rewritten in a while, the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153specials\u00e2\u20ac\u009d probably were really just \u00e2\u20ac\u0153regular\u00e2\u20ac\u009d menu items. There were a few acrylic picture frames with additional computer printed 8-1\/2 x 11 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153special\u00e2\u20ac\u009d menus also. Up high behind the register were a bunch of pictures of what I assumed to be the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153regular\u00e2\u20ac\u009d menu, since all the dry-erase boards and printouts said \u00e2\u20ac\u0153special\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. None of the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153regular\u00e2\u20ac\u009d items were priced. Approaching the register to order, I was confronted with a service staff whose best suit in school definitely wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the English language. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get me wrong \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had excellent service in many a place home or abroad where English isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even spoken, no less understood. Language<\/em> wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the problem: At issue here was more a situation where the workers didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really care<\/em> about customer service, and frankly didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to even want to be at work – they just wanted to occupy space for their shift and collect the paycheck on payday.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hello Sir, what can I get for you today?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (okay, it probably wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that polite, and definitely<\/em> wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that coherent and understandable)
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you have the lasagna today?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve run into places not having things available before, so I just thought I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ask instead of getting denied.
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get that, please.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Which one?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Okay, all I saw on the menu was the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Portabello Lasagna\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, so I am confused. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Which one? There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more than one kind?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153[mumble, mumble, mumble<\/em>],\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the cashier has turned away from me, so I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make out what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s saying.
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Excuse me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153[Mumble, mumble, mumble<\/em>],\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s talking down toward the countertop this time.
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Excuse me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Portabello or meat?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I quickly scan the various haphazard array of menus and can only see the portabello one listed anywhere. Whatever. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6portabello.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Regular or mini?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nThere is regular or mini? Where is this on the menu? It is nowhere to be seen. Whatever. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Regular\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

I got rung up for $5.99 USD for the food, plus a $3.00 USD upcharge from mini to regular \u00e2\u20ac\u201c that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s $9.41 USD after taxes! WTF?! That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pricy for a plate lunch! Whatever \u00e2\u20ac\u201c let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just roll with it. I gave him the cash, and he gave me the change. He called it out to the kitchen and they started preparing it. He asked what kind of dressing I wanted. I asked about the choices and he pointed out a printed sheet in front of the register. This was better than trying to decipher his mumbling, so I was actually a bit thankful. I chose the low-fat buttermilk ranch<\/em>. I could see them working on my food intermittently. The cook popped out of the kitchen at one point with the two lasagna chubs in a oven-safe ceramic oval dish and put marinara and some cheese on it from the storefront hot case. Okay, that meant the lasagna was pre-made in serving-size burrito-like rolls instead of layered-up in pans the traditional way. The heating plate indicated it was refrigerated or frozen. As I waited, I could imagine the dish going thru the microwave to thaw, then going into a salamander to melt the cheese. Some time later, the lasagna appeared in a foam take-out tray and was finished with salad greens and a small block of garlic bread. I took my food and found somewhere to sit in the crowded seating area. The seating area wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really filthy, but the tables were unnaturally narrow and the seats were flimsy and bent, but that is an issue unto itself.<\/p>\n

The salad greens were very nice and fresh. About half of it was iceberg lettuce, so nothing really fancy. The julienned carrots on top weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t all dried out and white. The dressing was served in a separate little cup, so the end-user could apply as much or little as desired \u00e2\u20ac\u201c a nice touch. The dressing was good. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have given the salad a B+ until I neared the halfway point and found that the greens, although fresh-looking, were soggy wet. Apparently they kept the greens wet to prevent them from wilting and turning brown, but no effort was made to drain them before plating. The dressing and fluid turned the last bit of salad into a watery, dilute mess. I had to take the last salad bits, shake off the water, and dip them in the remaining salad dressing. The salad therefore gets a C-<\/p>\n

On to the main course! At this point, I had to cut the lid off the foam tray so the plate could fit on the narrow table without the lid going into the food of the person sitting opposite me. The bent chairs were unnaturally low, so it was also a bit difficult trying to cut the lasagna and use a fork on it with the plate being essentially at chest level. Try and remember what it was like being a toddler without a booster seat. The tables also had large round iron bases (bigger in diameter than the tabletop was wide!) that made it impossible to slide the chairs close to the table, adding to the awkward eating position. As the plastic knife met the firm noodles, a clear fluid issued forth from the lasagna chub and diluted the already-thin marinara sauce. WTF?! Can you say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153product previously frozen\u00e2\u20ac\u009d? I continued cutting and got a good chunk with all the layers \u00e2\u20ac\u201c pasta, portabello mushroom, and ricotta cheese. On first bite, all the bits were firm \u00e2\u20ac\u201c that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good. The mushrooms were very good quality and weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t all spongy and crumbly despite apparently being kept frozen. The taste, however, was sickly sweet. WTF?! The marinara was dessert-sweet! It was also oregano-heavy and basil-bereft. If you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever seen that infomercial where Ron Popeil accidentally dumps half a bottle of oregano into some marinara sauce he is cooking and the co-host goes on about how wonderful it is, you know what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m talking about here. People who don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how to make marinara shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make marinara! Really! In actuality, it tasted more like Russian dressing and had a similar consistency. The more pieces of the lasagna I cut, the more fluid squirted out, and the more dilute the sauce became, eventually becoming unable to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153stick\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to the lasagna. Also, the blackish mushroom spores began clouding the red marinara juice to a sick brown toward the end. In retrospect, I realize that the pasta may not have been firm from proper preparation<\/em>, but from being desiccated<\/em> from freezing. The lasagna itself gets a D. The marinara gets an F.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>At this point I was not very happy. If it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t something I paid that much for, it would have ended up in the dumpster already. This was of course a false sense of economy \u00e2\u20ac\u201c why suffer through eating something terrible even if it cost a lot? It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t poison<\/em> though, but I was thinking I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d rather get gastroenteritis from something like this rather than from something I really like (like Chiang Mai<\/em>). The last thing left was the garlic bread. Initially, I felt a little ripped-off since it was tiny (about 5cm x 8cm), but after I picked it up and discovered it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s density, I wondered if I could even manage to finish it. It was heavy, but not doughy. The garlic flavor was adequate to allow it to be identifiable as garlic bread, but \u00e2\u20ac\u0153butter-saturated bread\u00e2\u20ac\u009d would have been a more accurate (although less appetizing) description. The bread gets a C-.<\/p>\n

I feel a little hesitant about panning the food, considering the good experiences I have had at other franchises in the past, but it was really bad this time. It was a good example of taking very good raw ingredients (salad greens, mushrooms, bread) and through honest, misguided effort turning them into something revoltingly vile. I really tried to like it, but in the end, I found it impossible. The random mystery menu, lack of a displayed pricing policy, and the indifferent staff added to the unsatisfactory customer experience. I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be going back. I really wish I could have just \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 CTRL+Z\u00e2\u20ac\u009d-ed my dinner and just stayed home and had an orange or something\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

This has to be one of the worst $10 USD I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever wasted on food.<\/p>\n

Not recommended<\/p>\n

One-half out of four grinning monkeys (it would have gotten a zero if it weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t for the fact that the ingredients were of high quality).<\/p>\n

Really, if you happen to be trapped at Windward Mall for a meal, stay out of the food court and just go to IHOP<\/em> and get some pancakes. I guess you could try your luck at Ruby Tuesday<\/em> if you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look \u00e2\u20ac\u0153local\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, but the food quality varies hourly, and the customer disservice is second to none.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I feel insulted \u00e2\u20ac\u201c insulted that I am sitting here writing this instead of doing any of a bunch of things that I really should be doing right now. The shock I had at dinner compels me to share the experience, so here it is. Am I being altruistic or just plain angry? You decide. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[8,12,13],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paJYlx-ec","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/880"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=880"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/880\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=880"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=880"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studionewmedia.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=880"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}